Wetherell

...but what would Bertie Wooster have made of the decor at this Piccadilly pad?

When buying a property, you should always take a careful look at the neighbours. You want to know, after all, that they’re your sort of people.

The first thing you notice about St James’s Street is that you get a very high class of corner shop. Swaine Adeney Brigg, for example, has been here since 1750, and is so oblivious to modern thinking that it displays hunting pink in the window. Nice to have it so close, though. You never know when you’re going to need hunting pink in a hurry.

For shoes, you have Lobb, bootmaker to the Duke of Windsor and Commander James Bond. There is James Fox for cigars, wine at Berry Bros & Rudd, and if you need a top hat, I’m sure they would be happy to oblige at Lock & Co. If you need a tin of baked beans and some milk, it’s not so obvious, although Fortnum & Mason is just a short walk away along Piccadilly.

Am I giving you the impression this area is so upper-crust that lady residents have a Sunday-best tiara? All well and good. Now here’s the bad news. If you find any of this remotely amusing, then I suspect a flat at No 73 St James’s Street is not for you. So sorry. Try the tradesman’s entrance. If, however, you think my tone slightly vulgar — not to mention baffling — then step this way, sir/madam.

This area of St James’s is where Bertie Wooster would have lived if he’d had a proper job. Mayfair might be all right for Wooster and his flighty friends from the Drones Club, but more serious folk live across Piccadilly. The agent marketing the property, Shaun Crockett, expects interest from respectable people of a certain age. They probably already own a large country house and are looking for a small base in London.

St James’s wasn’t always this posh. It started life as a leper hospital, but went upmarket when Henry VIII bought the building and turned it into St James’s Palace. Christopher Wren died here. Byron was living here when he became famous overnight. The cartoonist James Gillray tried to throw himself to his death out of a third-floor window here, possibly in despair at the latest instalment of his service charges.

The first thing you should know about No 73 is that, strictly speaking, it’s not on St James’s Street. One end faces St James’s Street, but most of that is taken up by Wheeler’s restaurant, a collaboration between Marco Pierre White and Rocco Forte. Most of the 26 flats in the Edwardian building — including No 18 — look out over Little St James’s Street. There’s not much of a view, but at least you’re spared the traffic noise of St James’s Street itself. The main entrance is also in Little St James’s Street, and is covered by the sort of awning you find at upmarket nightclubs.

No 18 is very much a bachelor flat — or what I suppose we should refer to these days as a singleton establish-ment. It covers only 643 sq ft, but manages to cram in a fairly spacious reception room, a moderately sized bedroom, and a kitchen and bathroom in which two fattish people could not comfortably pass.

It belongs to Simon Khachadourian, who owns the Pullman Gallery, just around the corner. He sells luxury knick-knacks, although I’m not sure I’d describe them that way to his face. If Wooster’s uncle were looking for a silver cow creamer in art-deco style, this would be his first port of call. Khachadourian also does posters from the same era, but his big thing is cocktail shakers. He has written the definitive guide to the cocktail shaker.

The flat is simply and expensively furnished, but feels like somewhere to entertain customers, rather than a home, even a second home. One of the walls in the reception room is lined with a cabinet in sycamore that is at present acting as a display case for Pullman, with a cocktail shaker in the shape of a penguin and the biggest cigarette lighter I have ever seen. The bathroom has travertine tiles and a small yet deep bath (apparently Japanese). The kitchen is black and white, and looks rather smart. It’s by Magnet.

The building was completely refurbished in 2008 and has the feeling of a discreet hotel: wine-coloured carpets with a light pattern, mirrors, a 24-hour porter service and a lift. According to the agent, it’s the sort of place where you can spend a lot of time without ever meeting the neighbours — which is probably just as well.

As our small party arrived at reception, a tall man in a grey pinstripe was ushering his dog into the lift, casting us a withering glance as he did so. If I were a television casting agent, I would have no hesitation in offering him the part of Upper-Class Bloke in Big Country House Who Says, “Really, Inspector, I Will Have to Have Words with Your Chief Constable”.

Just round the corner is the Carlton Club, and then... well, let’s just say that if a chap with prominent ears pops round, twiddling his cuff links and asking whether you might spare a cup of sugar, don’t turn him away. There could be a knighthood in it.

Where is it? Flat 18, 73 St James’s Street, London SW1
How much? £995,000
What is it? A one-bedroom flat in an Edwardian block, on a 130-year lease
Where is it? Round the corner from St James’s Palace
Who is selling? Wetherell; 020 7529 5566, wetherell.co.uk

To see the orignial article by Roland White please click here